Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
PANTIES FOUND
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