Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
