i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need water and some morals
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
