So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she told me i tasted like america
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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