if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this just has baby written all over it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
