Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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