Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
