You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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