One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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