His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
