I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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