I puked a lego.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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