Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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