I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
