Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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