history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
