Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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