they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
