This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
