Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
