I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
