she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
