sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
