I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize