I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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