that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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