I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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