Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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