White coat. Heels.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
