roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
