I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
