Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
