I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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