I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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