I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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