you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
