my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
