you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
