Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The power of my boobs compel you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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