guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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