Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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