so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
