i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
