The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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