david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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