youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
