3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pappa wants mamma naked
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
