Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
