Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
