My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
