you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
