dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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