my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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