remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
