PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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