I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize