i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
