i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
