We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
