I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
