We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
