Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
